Not a dreamer

I recently realised that I don’t know how to dream.

Not that I don’t have dreams. I do. But I don’t know how to dream *big*.

Which is ironic, because I wasn’t raised that way. My parents are the kind of people who take an idea and stretch it to its biggest possible version. They don’t just ask, “What if this works?” They ask, “What’s the best possible way this could work?” And then they dare to believe in that version.

It doesn’t always work out. But that has never stopped them from thinking big.

Somehow, I didn’t inherit that part.

I’ve realised that my instinct is to shrink things. To make them safer. More realistic. More manageable. I tell myself I’m being practical. That I’m taking things one step at a time. And yes, there is wisdom in that. But lately, it feels like I’ve been hiding behind it.

Because “one step at a time” can easily become “don’t aim too high.”

And I think I’ve been aiming too low.

There are things I want to do—things I *can* do—but the moment they start to feel too big, I reduce them. I edit the dream before it even has a chance to exist fully. I choose the version that feels safe instead of the version that feels expansive.

And I’m starting to realise that safety, for me, has become a limitation.

I don’t think I’m at a point in my life where playing small makes sense anymore.

The uncomfortable truth is, I don’t actually know how to switch. I don’t know how to suddenly become someone who thinks in bold, audacious possibilities. But I know that I want to.

So maybe it doesn’t start with a complete transformation.

Maybe it starts with awareness.

With catching myself in the moment I try to shrink something.

With noticing when I downplay what I want.

With asking, “What’s the biggest version of this?” instead of “What’s the safest version of this?”

And then, even if I still move step by step, I move in the direction of that bigger vision—not a reduced one.

I might still start small. But I don’t want to *think* small anymore.

So now, whenever I feel the urge to make my dreams more comfortable, more reasonable, more “realistic,” I want to challenge that instinct.

I want to fight for the bigger version.

To imagine the best thing that could happen—and then actually allow myself to work towards it.

Maybe that’s how I learn how to dream.